Monday, August 4, 2008
Babywise...need advise
Okay, I've read the Babywise book and am trying to apply its theory. The scheduled feeding thing is no problem...he's more or less eaten every 3 hours since he was born...so no biggie...playtime, also, no biggie, and even naptime falls in the right order, just not in the right place in the physical sense. SO...I'm trying to get LJ to take his naps in his bed and NOT in the sling (if I set him down after he's asleep he wakes up). The book tells me to let him cry until he settles himself down...and, yes, he does settle himself down, but it was the LONGEST 15 minutes of my life (we've only tried it once, and I was a wreck wanting to console him). He is now asleep, but I'm wanting to know from any of you mothers who have tried this...how did it work the first time (even few days) and does it get easier?
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8 comments:
Kellye - I read Babywise too, but had a VERY hard time implementing it. I cried when William cried. So, I had Denny help me. Denny didn't like the crying, but he could be logical. He knew that William wasn't hurting, and he would sit and watch him to make sure he was okay. 15 minutes seems like 6 hours when your baby is crying, especially when you know that picking him up would stop the crying. Sometimes I couldn't take it and would pick him up, and I honestly think that's okay. We definitely eased into it (for my sake and William's). You will be amazed at how quickly the crying gets shorter. And, eventually you know that it's okay for him to settle himself. Hang in there - and remember it is okay to pick him up if you can't stand it. It won't hurt him. Listen to your heart - you'll know when his cry is too strong to let him cry it out.
We didn't implement this until Jordan was much older. We rocked her to sleep till she was about ten months old! She slept in her bed, but we rocked her until she was asleep and then layed her down. At ten months this was getting harder and harder bc of her growing size. We knew she needed to be able to put herself to sleep. I've not read the book, but knew enough about it and read some stuff online and we just did it. (I posted about it here: http://foshefamily.blogspot.com/2007/08/sleeping-routineother-news100th-post.html)
I agree with Christy to follow your heart and do what you feel you need to do. There is no better expert on your child than you...you may not belive this yet, but you will soon---and it's a great thing to know!
Take pieces of the advice and make it your own for what works for you all.
My own personal opinion is that you can't spoil a newborn...but many disagre with me on that one! ;-)
Good luck...he's a doll!
Kellye,
I read the book as well, but I found that it was just too hard to apply. It was easier to let all three of my kids make their own schedule (which was never crazy, just not exactly like the book recommends). Just like Christy Dean, I couldn't stand to hear my babies cry. It was very rare if I let them cry it out. This is just my opinion, but I think when babies cry it is for a reason and you should respond every time. Yes, I know this could lead to spoiling a child, but hey, they are only little one time! However, I think it is totally fine to let them cry if you need a break from being stressed out. It's not going to hurt them.
I promise it will get easier. When Kent was little he would only sleep in my arms or his swing. Every time I put him in his crib he would wake up screaming mad. I would rock him back to sleep and lay him in the crib again, and he would do it all over again. I think if you are consistent, he will eventually wear himself out and he will sleep in his bed.
Hang in there. I know it is so, so hard. Just love him and follow those motherly instincts!
I'm hoping to see you at Nan's on Sunday! I can't wait to see him!!!
~Amanda
Thought I'd add my 2 cents :) I read Babywise before we had Kyla and took away several positive things that we did, like make sure they're eating until they're full, aim for 3 hours between feedings, etc. We did let Kyla "cry it out" when she was a baby, but it wasn't like full-out screaming, just regular crying, or random spells of crying, and she always quit after a few minutes & went on to sleep. With Nathan I haven't let him "cry it out" at all, partly because I can't handle it, and it bothers Kyla too, and he doesn't just cry, he SCREAMS and gets really worked up, I don't think he would go on to sleep. We put him down in his bed, and he doesn't cry unless pacifier comes out, which it does about 5-10 times in 30 minutes (we go put it back) then he's out for the night, 8-10 hours. SO, I agree with everyone else that you have to find a balance of what is good for the baby and keeps your sanity (which is also obviously good for the baby!) He is precious!!!
Kellye...I will comment/email you when I get a better chance. I read Babywise, too.
It gets easier...I PROMISE!!! Hang in there!!!
I'm praying for you!
Leah
Okay...so here's what I was going to say. I read Babywise. I know you know...but I just have to say it...take what you see as good information and apply it to you, Gary and LJ. Probably, not everything out of that book is going to work for you. I think it's impossible to raise a baby by a book! I think we would make ourselves crazy!!!
Going on...
I remember very vividly Kendall not napping in her crib. She would nap in her swing, the sling, in her carseat, etc, but not in the crib. FINALLY she just did it, as we gradually put her in there for naps. I also remember that Kendall would get up in the morning, eat, play for only about 15 minutes, then want to go right back to bed. Until probably about 5 months, she would take her first nap of the day in the bed with us. (Yes...we slept really late. We were both home and took advantage of it! We gradually quit doing that...we realized we were doing it out of convenience for ourselves rather than for helping Kendall!) But Kendall still thrives on that morning nap!
I also have a friend who read Babywise, and her little boy wouldn't sleep anywhere except his carseat. They even put his carrier in the crib at night, just so he would get used to HIS crib! Now, he sleeps in his crib without the carrier! They just gradually tried laying him down without putting him in the carseat. I know there was some fighting against it, but they just had to be strong.
I say all this just to say that EVERY baby is so different and while Babywise is a great resource, do what you can with it. Don't feel like you are hurting LJ if you let him cry, but if your instincts tell you to get him, go get him. The book says not to pick them up when you go in their room to console them, but I picked Kendall up every time just about!!! :)
I am also with Christy on this issue...I had (and still have) a terrible time at letting Kendall cry it out. Evan, on the other hand, can handle it. I'll say, "I want to go get her" and Evan says, "Give her 5 more minutes" or whatever. Nine times out of ten, she stops crying and falls asleep.
LJ is still so little...if he does better napping somewhere else, let him for a while. Gradually try to put him in his bed for a nap. Just be consistent (whatever you decide) even when it's hard.
I hope that helps a bit! Hang in there and keep us posted!!! I may have to do a Babywise post soon. I think it's so funny that people think that book is so terrible! To me, the authors encourage such a middle ground between hyperscheduling/attached parenting AND they encourage you to watch your child and learn your baby's personality. I'm telling you, though...people can get crazy about that book!!!
Sorry for the long comment! You know I just had to throw my two cents in! HA!
Hey Kellye,
Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents. I read Babywise a week or two after having Lexa 2 years ago. I did let Lexa cry it out. Picking her up or rocking her to sleep would have ruined any progress I would have made so, I wouldn't recommend it. Just go in every 15 minutes or so and give pats and comfort and walk out again. It will take a while, but he will learn to comfort himself eventually. Lexa has slept through the night since 8 or 9 weeks. I still have to use this approach with her when she gets out of her routine from a sickness, traveling... Dad has a harder time with the crying than I do. Lexa never liked to be rocked to sleep - Grandma tries and it still doesn't work. When she's tired she wants to be laid in the crib and the door closed - then you don't hear a peep. It's wonderful!!!
Like all advise - take it or leave it. This is just what worked for me - so far. :)
Have you figured out his sleepy signs so that you can put him down before he falls asleep? Some babies just don't like to fall asleep...they might miss something. Really, Dec hated miss anything from the time he was born. Edana still goes to sleep better in the living room with Jeff and I.
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